12 step program
In Step 3 we are asked to make a decision to our will and our life over to the care of God (or our higher power) as we understand it (God or our higher power that is). So there are 2 important parts to this step:
1. Make A Decision
2. As We Understand Him, God, our Higher Power ect.
I have heard all sorts of interesting shares on this step over the years. My favorite was from a person new in recovery who had a gripping fear that if he worked this step diligently and gave his life over to the care of God that he would end up digging toilets in Africa. He was serious and he was scared. His sharing confused me (as I was new to recovery at that time) and thankfully for me I had enough courage to ask someone I considered a 'Winner' about this make a decision thing.
I was told, in a way that I understood, that making a decision doesn't mean anything unless immediately proceeded by some action; in the context of what we are talking about here that means the 4th step. Since, I have heard this explained many different times in many different ways. My favorite is still the 3 birds on the wire thing - one makes a decision to fly away - how many are left on the wire? 3, the bird only decided to fly away but did not take any action.
If we are hampered by a concept of a higher power that is punishing, or vindictive, or in some other way just is not comfortable to us; we don't have to use it. God is big enough to encompass any concept or understanding that any person on earth can come up with. Now we don't have to have a well defined understanding of our higher power. In fact, I believe, all we really need is the willingness to believe that there is a power greater than ourselves (especially in the beginning).
When we are willing to believe, and then we make the decision to turn our will and our lives (or our thoughts and our actions if you will) over to this power that we understand or don't - follow this up with immediate action (4th step) miracles happen. We stay sober.
Looking back on that process from when I was early in recovery, and having the honor of guiding people through this process and watching them do it, I am amazed at the power in step 3.
Currently my life is not all roses and puppies. In fact this is one of the toughest times of my life. What has come put of this 'tough time' has not been pretty - my recovery has been both strengthened and thrown into upheaval. I have had to reexamine what all this recovery stuff means now that stopping drinking is not my primary focus.
Talking with someone the other night I heard something that I knew, but had not heard out-loud (while I was listening anyway) and had never considered outside the scope of just stopping drinking/ using. What I heard was this:
There is an incredible power at work in our lives when we first get sober!
Seems like a no brainer. The thing for me at that moment is that I realized that power is always there for me. More than realized - I knew inside and out that it was true. The power of miracles that God provides is available for me in all areas of my life. That same immense power that did for me that no human power could have (gave me the grace to get and stay sober) - is also waiting for me to ask for the grace to face my current troubles and for the strength to walk through them.
I knew what I had to do - again - I need to make the decision to turn my life and my will over to the care of God as I understand it. Then I need to take the action (unfortunately for me that action is not as clearly defined as it was when I first got sober), knowing, I did say 'Knowing' that I will be taken care of.
It worked before - in fact it has been working continuously in my life as long as I am concentrating on 'God Reliance' instead of self reliance.
I don't know how this current life issue will be resolved - what my life will look like next month or a year from now. What I do know is that I will be OK, my family will be taken care of, and I can and will stay sober through it.
Want to talk about recovery? Have any experience related to my posts you would like to share? Please leave a comment or send me an email. Gary T
12 step program
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
Alcohol Recovery | Step 2 - The Willingness Step
Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
The key here is 'Came To Believe'. Whenever I am talking to someone about this step I stress that we don't have to believe in order to work this step; we just need to be Willing To Believe. It's the willingness that starts the process.
When we come in we have all sorts of weird beliefs that don't serve us very well. Whether they are personal, political, or spiritual - the fact is that when we are new our thinkers just don't work very well. It only took a couple of days of sobriety to be strung together for me to realize that there was something bigger than me at work here. It doesn't matter if you think that is God, or your recovery group, or a pile of whatever. The fact is that when many of us find ourselves sober we realize that something is doing for us what we could never do for ourselves.
That is step two.
Slowly we are being restored to sanity. For many people that word is a little hard to digest - insane. When we really get down to it we don't want to admit that we have been insane in our thinking and our actions; but what else should we call it. The thinking, the justifications and rationalizations that we could so ingeniously come up with in order to get that first drink or drug into our system could be astounding. The only thing is, is that they never fit with reality - being outside of reality in our thinking is insanity - pure and simple.
The longer we stay around and are active in recovery the more that is revealed. Step 2, just like all the other steps has many layers to it. That means the longer we are sober the more we realize just how insane our thinking and acting was when we were active. Where it gets interesting is when we realize that our thinking and behavior can be insane when we have some time in recovery. The only hope for people like me is that I stay in recovery so those bouts of insanity are quickly realized. Without the awareness, there is no solution. And the solution for me is returning to the source of my sobriety and that is God's grace.
That's where the continuous opportunity to enlarge my spiritual life, expand my consciousness, and continue to grow lay - in the fact that it is my higher power who is always there and always pointing me to another opportunity to be restored to sanity.
The only thing I have to maintain is what I needed in the beginning to work to this step - the key ingredient - willingness. I think that this becomes harder the longer we stay around - because, hey I know something! I have been sober for X amount of years, I've worked the steps, I sponsor people - and on and on and on... What I have to remember is that whenever I become an expert I become closed off to learning new things. I become closed off to the infinite possibility for growth that my higher power offers me.
To stay in step 2 I need to stay in Beginner's Mind. The place where I am open (and willing) to learning new things. New things about me, my recovery, and most importantly how my higher power has and is still working on returning me sanity.
Want to talk about recovery? Have any experience related to my posts you would like to share? Please leave a comment or send me an email.
Gary T
The key here is 'Came To Believe'. Whenever I am talking to someone about this step I stress that we don't have to believe in order to work this step; we just need to be Willing To Believe. It's the willingness that starts the process.
When we come in we have all sorts of weird beliefs that don't serve us very well. Whether they are personal, political, or spiritual - the fact is that when we are new our thinkers just don't work very well. It only took a couple of days of sobriety to be strung together for me to realize that there was something bigger than me at work here. It doesn't matter if you think that is God, or your recovery group, or a pile of whatever. The fact is that when many of us find ourselves sober we realize that something is doing for us what we could never do for ourselves.
That is step two.
Slowly we are being restored to sanity. For many people that word is a little hard to digest - insane. When we really get down to it we don't want to admit that we have been insane in our thinking and our actions; but what else should we call it. The thinking, the justifications and rationalizations that we could so ingeniously come up with in order to get that first drink or drug into our system could be astounding. The only thing is, is that they never fit with reality - being outside of reality in our thinking is insanity - pure and simple.
The longer we stay around and are active in recovery the more that is revealed. Step 2, just like all the other steps has many layers to it. That means the longer we are sober the more we realize just how insane our thinking and acting was when we were active. Where it gets interesting is when we realize that our thinking and behavior can be insane when we have some time in recovery. The only hope for people like me is that I stay in recovery so those bouts of insanity are quickly realized. Without the awareness, there is no solution. And the solution for me is returning to the source of my sobriety and that is God's grace.
That's where the continuous opportunity to enlarge my spiritual life, expand my consciousness, and continue to grow lay - in the fact that it is my higher power who is always there and always pointing me to another opportunity to be restored to sanity.
The only thing I have to maintain is what I needed in the beginning to work to this step - the key ingredient - willingness. I think that this becomes harder the longer we stay around - because, hey I know something! I have been sober for X amount of years, I've worked the steps, I sponsor people - and on and on and on... What I have to remember is that whenever I become an expert I become closed off to learning new things. I become closed off to the infinite possibility for growth that my higher power offers me.
To stay in step 2 I need to stay in Beginner's Mind. The place where I am open (and willing) to learning new things. New things about me, my recovery, and most importantly how my higher power has and is still working on returning me sanity.
Want to talk about recovery? Have any experience related to my posts you would like to share? Please leave a comment or send me an email.
Gary T
Saturday, May 8, 2010
12 Step Recovery Program | Step 1 - The Only Step To Work Perfectly?
12 step recovery program
In the Big Book it says that 'We conceded to our innermost selves that we were alcoholic' (or addicts, or whatever). Only we know as individuals if we have done that, in fact if there is any question - we probably have not.
Actually the first step has two parts: 1. that we were powerless over our alcoholism or addiction, and 2. that our lives had become unmanageable. It's my opinion that the only the first part of Step 1 needs to be worked perfectly.
Although it may be easy enough when we are new to see how our lives are unmanageable, the reality of what that means can take years to fully understand. New levels of UN-manageability are constantly being revealed to us if we continue to grow in our 12 step recovery program. This is daunting at first - and when something new comes up, it is never pleasant; but, strangely enough, we come to welcome these challenges because we know they are the doorways we must walk through in order to continue to grow.
That brings me back to the first half of Step 1 and a hot topic that sometimes comes up when discussed - Controlled drinking/ using. There are some that say if you are not sure go try some controlled drinking/ using and some that say - absolutely do not! I don't know the answer to that but I can give you my opinion.
Remember that my opinions are subject to change pending new information (one of the many gifts that recovery has given me).
The controlled drinking thing: I was at a book study less than a week ago talking about this very thing. What occurred to me after listening to everybody give their experience is this question - What makes me an alcoholic? Well it's not how much I drank/ used, or when, or if it was continuous or in binges. Doesn't matter where I drank or with who or even what sort of crazy escapades I got into or how much damage I did or did not cause.
No. What makes me an alcoholic (or addict, I use the two interchangeably) is that when I put alcohol/ drugs in my body I can't stop. Period, that's it. I don't know what I'll do or where it will lead me or what that particular episode will look like - that's what makes me alcoholic.
It also occurred to me that there are a lot of people who get to the rooms because their using caused so much pain and problems that it led them to recovery. The question I have that is pertinent to the controlled drinking thing is this - Have you experienced the helplessness of not being able to stop? The place where you knew without reservation that you should not put that drink or drug into your system because you knew what was going to happen (even if you didn't know what it would look like).
I believe that feeling of fear, helplessness, and despair surrounding the fact that we knew we could not stop - that is the foundation of being able to concede to our inner most selves that we are alcoholic.
So if that has not been experienced, maybe some controlled drinking or using is in the thing in order to figure it out.
Just to get it straight I have never told any my sponsees or anybody at any time to go out and do some controlled drinking. I will tell you something I used to hear from this wonderful crazy guy in Nashville when I first entered the rooms - he used to say if you are not sure - what the Hell are you doing here? Don't you know you are wasting valuable get high time?
If you have conceded to your inner most self that once you put booze or dope into you that you can not stop by your own will, then you got it. The is perfection as far as the first half of Step 1 goes. Now all you have to do is keep coming back one day at a time and with an honest effort work the rest of the steps to your best ability.
Indescribably interesting things will happen in your life.
Want to talk about recovery? Have any experience related to my posts you would like to share? Please leave a comment or send me an email.
Gary T
12 step recovery program
I have heard over and over again that Step 1 is the only one of the 12 steps that has to be worked perfectly. The question is - what does that mean?
In the Big Book it says that 'We conceded to our innermost selves that we were alcoholic' (or addicts, or whatever). Only we know as individuals if we have done that, in fact if there is any question - we probably have not.
Actually the first step has two parts: 1. that we were powerless over our alcoholism or addiction, and 2. that our lives had become unmanageable. It's my opinion that the only the first part of Step 1 needs to be worked perfectly.
Although it may be easy enough when we are new to see how our lives are unmanageable, the reality of what that means can take years to fully understand. New levels of UN-manageability are constantly being revealed to us if we continue to grow in our 12 step recovery program. This is daunting at first - and when something new comes up, it is never pleasant; but, strangely enough, we come to welcome these challenges because we know they are the doorways we must walk through in order to continue to grow.
That brings me back to the first half of Step 1 and a hot topic that sometimes comes up when discussed - Controlled drinking/ using. There are some that say if you are not sure go try some controlled drinking/ using and some that say - absolutely do not! I don't know the answer to that but I can give you my opinion.
Remember that my opinions are subject to change pending new information (one of the many gifts that recovery has given me).
The controlled drinking thing: I was at a book study less than a week ago talking about this very thing. What occurred to me after listening to everybody give their experience is this question - What makes me an alcoholic? Well it's not how much I drank/ used, or when, or if it was continuous or in binges. Doesn't matter where I drank or with who or even what sort of crazy escapades I got into or how much damage I did or did not cause.
No. What makes me an alcoholic (or addict, I use the two interchangeably) is that when I put alcohol/ drugs in my body I can't stop. Period, that's it. I don't know what I'll do or where it will lead me or what that particular episode will look like - that's what makes me alcoholic.
It also occurred to me that there are a lot of people who get to the rooms because their using caused so much pain and problems that it led them to recovery. The question I have that is pertinent to the controlled drinking thing is this - Have you experienced the helplessness of not being able to stop? The place where you knew without reservation that you should not put that drink or drug into your system because you knew what was going to happen (even if you didn't know what it would look like).
I believe that feeling of fear, helplessness, and despair surrounding the fact that we knew we could not stop - that is the foundation of being able to concede to our inner most selves that we are alcoholic.
So if that has not been experienced, maybe some controlled drinking or using is in the thing in order to figure it out.
Just to get it straight I have never told any my sponsees or anybody at any time to go out and do some controlled drinking. I will tell you something I used to hear from this wonderful crazy guy in Nashville when I first entered the rooms - he used to say if you are not sure - what the Hell are you doing here? Don't you know you are wasting valuable get high time?
If you have conceded to your inner most self that once you put booze or dope into you that you can not stop by your own will, then you got it. The is perfection as far as the first half of Step 1 goes. Now all you have to do is keep coming back one day at a time and with an honest effort work the rest of the steps to your best ability.
Indescribably interesting things will happen in your life.
Want to talk about recovery? Have any experience related to my posts you would like to share? Please leave a comment or send me an email.
Gary T
12 step recovery program
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Step Zero
12 step recovery
Step Zero. The place where there is nothing else left. The jumping off point. Pitiful incomprehensible demoralization. Where the decisions are made.
I am guessing that if you are reading this you made a different decision. The decision to try something different - whatever that was/ is - just something different from the vicious circle of living the same day (in one form or another) over and over again. Something different than ' It will be different this time'. Something different...
In the beginning, for me, it was a call to my mom, and a ride to a state run treatment center. It was a feeling of being beaten completely into submission. Not putting up a fight when my counselor told me to try praying. It was being willing to keep my mouth shout - in fact I did not even want to speak.
That was a good beginning.
Out of treatment, homeless, no money, and still somewhere - somehow I knew it was going to be all right.
OK. That was then. Flash forward 13 years and here I am at step zero again. Not because I relapsed - because of life.
I am sober, married, 1 daughter and another child about to make its debut in this world any minute. I have also been unemployed for 6 months, the money is gone, and I don't know if we are going to be able to pay the bills this month.
I felt helpless. Fear of the unknown had paralyzed me. I had to push it to the point of utter desperation until I took any real action. Until I got to the point where I had received the gift of desperation once again.
So there I was; at the decision place, the jumping off place - I don't know if I actually got to pitiful incomprehensible demoralization - but I did get to humiliation and a powerful sense of uselessness and worthlessness.
A very unfamiliar place for me in recovery. I have heard people with more time than me talk about emotional bottoms. About working the steps for something other than active alcoholism or addiction. Now I know what they were talking about - does this mean I graduated? No.
I truly understand what it means when I read today that the 12 steps of recovery are a 'design for living'.
So I came to the realization that I was powerless to make the world do what I wanted. That nobody was going to search me out to take care of by giving me a large sum of money or my dream job or whatever.
Even though I have pretty continuously throughout my recovery enlarged my spiritual condition - there was a lack of belief that my higher power would take care of me. I had to get back to the place where I believed that god could restore me (or my situation, or both) back to sanity.
Then of course came the decision - I needed to take action - and believe me it was not the action I wanted to take - and then I needed to leave the results up to my higher power; so I did.
Now it's time to take the action and put this decision into effect.
See, that IS how it works. And it works not just with my active alcoholism but with all things in life. That is the miracle of recovery - that is how I am applying this design for living in my life today.
Want to know more - do you need some suggestions - do you have experience you would like to share with me - I Would Like To Talk To You About Recovery. Check Out My profile to get my cell number and my email address.
And So It Is.
Step Zero. The place where there is nothing else left. The jumping off point. Pitiful incomprehensible demoralization. Where the decisions are made.
The thing about people affected with the ISM is that sometimes we make the decision (whether directly or passively) of self destruction.
I am guessing that if you are reading this you made a different decision. The decision to try something different - whatever that was/ is - just something different from the vicious circle of living the same day (in one form or another) over and over again. Something different than ' It will be different this time'. Something different...
In the beginning, for me, it was a call to my mom, and a ride to a state run treatment center. It was a feeling of being beaten completely into submission. Not putting up a fight when my counselor told me to try praying. It was being willing to keep my mouth shout - in fact I did not even want to speak.
That was a good beginning.
Out of treatment, homeless, no money, and still somewhere - somehow I knew it was going to be all right.
OK. That was then. Flash forward 13 years and here I am at step zero again. Not because I relapsed - because of life.
I am sober, married, 1 daughter and another child about to make its debut in this world any minute. I have also been unemployed for 6 months, the money is gone, and I don't know if we are going to be able to pay the bills this month.
I felt helpless. Fear of the unknown had paralyzed me. I had to push it to the point of utter desperation until I took any real action. Until I got to the point where I had received the gift of desperation once again.
So there I was; at the decision place, the jumping off place - I don't know if I actually got to pitiful incomprehensible demoralization - but I did get to humiliation and a powerful sense of uselessness and worthlessness.
A very unfamiliar place for me in recovery. I have heard people with more time than me talk about emotional bottoms. About working the steps for something other than active alcoholism or addiction. Now I know what they were talking about - does this mean I graduated? No.
I truly understand what it means when I read today that the 12 steps of recovery are a 'design for living'.
So I came to the realization that I was powerless to make the world do what I wanted. That nobody was going to search me out to take care of by giving me a large sum of money or my dream job or whatever.
Even though I have pretty continuously throughout my recovery enlarged my spiritual condition - there was a lack of belief that my higher power would take care of me. I had to get back to the place where I believed that god could restore me (or my situation, or both) back to sanity.
Then of course came the decision - I needed to take action - and believe me it was not the action I wanted to take - and then I needed to leave the results up to my higher power; so I did.
Now it's time to take the action and put this decision into effect.
See, that IS how it works. And it works not just with my active alcoholism but with all things in life. That is the miracle of recovery - that is how I am applying this design for living in my life today.
Want to know more - do you need some suggestions - do you have experience you would like to share with me - I Would Like To Talk To You About Recovery. Check Out My profile to get my cell number and my email address.
And So It Is.
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