Step Zero

12 step recovery

Step Zero. The place where there is nothing else left. The jumping off point. Pitiful incomprehensible demoralization. Where the decisions are made.

The thing about people affected with the ISM is that sometimes we make the decision (whether directly or passively) of self destruction.

I am guessing that if you are reading this you made a different decision. The decision to try something different - whatever that was/ is - just something different from the vicious circle of living the same day (in one form or another) over and over again. Something different than ' It will be different this time'. Something different...

In the beginning, for me, it was a call to my mom, and a ride to a state run treatment center. It was a feeling of being beaten completely into submission. Not putting up a fight when my counselor told me to try praying. It was being willing to keep my mouth shout - in fact I did not even want to speak.

That was a good beginning.

Out of treatment, homeless, no money, and still somewhere - somehow I knew it was going to be all right.

OK. That was then. Flash forward 13 years and here I am at step zero again. Not because I relapsed - because of life.

I am sober, married, 1 daughter and another child about to make its debut in this world any minute. I have also been unemployed for 6 months, the money is gone, and I don't know if we are going to be able to pay the bills this month.

I felt helpless. Fear of the unknown had paralyzed me. I had to push it to the point of utter desperation until I took any real action. Until I got to the point where I had received the gift of desperation once again.

So there I was; at the decision place, the jumping off place - I don't know if I actually got to pitiful incomprehensible demoralization - but I did get to humiliation and a powerful sense of uselessness and worthlessness.


A very unfamiliar place for me in recovery. I have heard people with more time than me talk about emotional bottoms. About working the steps for something other than active alcoholism or addiction. Now I know what they were talking about - does this mean I graduated? No.

I truly understand what it means when I read today that the 12 steps of recovery are a 'design for living'.

So I came to the realization that I was powerless to make the world do what I wanted. That nobody was going to search me out to take care of by giving me a large sum of money or my dream job or whatever.

Even though I have pretty continuously throughout my recovery enlarged my spiritual condition - there was a lack of belief that my higher power would take care of me. I had to get back to the place where I believed that god could restore me (or my situation, or both) back to sanity.

Then of course came the decision - I needed to take action - and believe me it was not the action I wanted to take - and then I needed to leave the results up to my higher power; so I did.

Now it's time to take the action and put this decision into effect.

See, that IS how it works. And it works not just with my active alcoholism but with all things in life. That is the miracle of recovery - that is how I am applying this design for living in my life today.

Want to know more - do you need some suggestions - do you have experience you would like to share with me - I Would Like To Talk To You About Recovery. Check Out My profile to get my cell number and my email address.

And So It Is.